June 2011
5 posts
Weddings
Ange and I are in the car and I tell her that if her wedding is open bar, I will definitely be there.
Her response: “If you aren’t at that wedding, you’ll be dead.”
amazonangel:
“I really have to stop doing heroin.”
— Padre
Before this, she texted me to ask how to spell heroin, to which my response was: “Why do you need to spell it? Does your drug dealer want your order?”
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
“…are you still petting the unicorns?”
– Amy
It always comes down to the rainbows and unicorns...
Me, through twitter: "There's a bug or frog outside that is legitimately one of the loudest things I've heard in nature. #shutup #soannoying"
(The rest is through texting) Angela: "I am way louder and you know it! Don't you ever disgrace me like that ever again!"
Me: "Shut up. You don't live in nature, you live in a house, therefore you weren't even included in this comparison."
Angela: "Lol damnit! I am nature!"
Me: "Are you high? You're not nature..."
Angela: "Haha no I'm not high! Rainbows and unicorns!"
February 2011
2 posts
Where is the bird section of the mall?
Random Girl on the Escalator going down (we were going up): I hate you!
Amy: Those are strong words.
Angela: What?
Amy: Those are strong words.
Angela: Strong birds? Where??
Things Amy thought Angela said, volume 2
Amy: How’s your lemonade?
Angela: Good.
Amy: Better than the last one?
Angela: Yeah, way better. But not better than state fair lemonade. That stuff’s the shiz.
Amy: What?!
Angela: What?
Amy: You like jizz…?
Angela: What?!
Amy: You said it tasted like jizz…
Angela: NO. I said it was the shiz.
Amy: Oh.
January 2011
1 post
Storyteller I am not.
“I invested my time in this story and I want the finished product.” - Angela to Amy after Amy begins a story and then completely forgets the point of it.
August 2010
3 posts
Spicy Brown Mustard.
Amy: “It’s better than Classic Yellow mustard, but it’s not really spicy…”
Angela: “Really? Zac Efron says otherwise.” (flashes Zac Efron bandaid on hand)
Trying to go to sleep...
Amy: “Stop shaking your leg!”
Angela: “I can’t!”
Amy: “Yes you can. Just stop moving it.”
Angela: “Your fart noises were your decision. I can’t help this.”
Ordering Beer.
Me: “I think I may just get the Michelob Ultra…”
Angela: “Did you just say you were ordering Michael Bolton?”
April 2010
2 posts
She's on a roll.
Amy: They were priority mail? Aww.
Angela: …..I didn’t email anyone…
Amy: Umm… I said they were priority mail… the sticker on the box….
Angela: Ohhh.
That sounds yummy.
Angela: Have I ever seen a sticky bun made???? No.
Amy: No. I asked if you’ve ever seen Phantom Gourmet!
Angela: Oh.
January 2010
1 post
It's been a while, but that doesn't mean awesome...
[Amy and Angela are in the car; the Glee Soundtrack is playing]
Amy: Do you think Matthew Morrison is Jewish?
Ange: Who?
Amy: He’s Mr. Shue, the teacher on Glee…
Ange: I haven’t seen them all yet…
[Amy finds the cd case and tells Angela to open it so she can show her]
Amy: He’s that one.
Ange: (nodding) Oh. He could be gay.
Amy: Gay? I asked if you thought he...
August 2009
2 posts
Amy: "The clouds look like they're heading right for your Gram's house."
Ange: "Did you say something about my braincells??"
“You’re not just kissing her ass, you’re making out with it!”
– Angela (of course!)
October 2008
1 post
Of course.
amazonangel:
Bestest: OMG I almost fell and died Me: Don’t do that what would I do for four days? Bestest: Four days? What about the rest of your life? Me: Yeah you’re right but at least a couple of those four days would be taken up by your funeral.
I am so glad we’re best friends, because otherwise, we would probably just hate each other.
September 2008
1 post
Things Amy Thought Angela Said...
Angela: I’m trying not to knit so tight so I won’t have a problem.
Me: You’re trying not to knit so tight so you don’t have a brothel??
July 2008
1 post
WatchAbout a month late, but still awesome.
miss you.
June 2008
8 posts
Back to the regularly scheduled programming.
Ange: Stop breathing into the receiver!
Me: You’re doing it too!
Ange: Did you just tell me to stop being a jew?
“Ah man. I’m color blind.”
– The one and only Angela.
“Ma’am. I am going to die if I don’t learn how to do this.”
– Angela in response to me telling her I’m not going to teach her how to finish the Rubik’s cube.
Hey. Whoa. That works.
Ange: Wanna know what's complicated?
Amy: Our lives?
Ange: ....this Rubik's cube.
The Vagina Monologues this is not.
I said: “Look at this giant-ass needle!”
She said: “What did you say about vaginas?!”
Followed by an exclamation of, “Yes, I was saying ‘Look at this giant-ass vagina. I keep spares around here.’”
No 'wee wee wee all the way home'
I really said: “I broke it just like you will with your future kid’s nose.”
She thought I said: Something about her “pig nose”.
She’s very sensitive about it apparently.
Go to the corner like the hooker you are.
What really went down: My mom asked where we were going and I said “The place where you work (Walmart)”
She thought I said: The place where you strip.
As far as I know my mother does not strip, and I hope I never find out if I’m wrong.
Freeze.
Angela and I are best friends and we happen to have really ridiculous conversations. Most of the time the things we say are really stupid and stem from our childish minds and sarcastic sense of humors senses of humor. Sometimes we happen to mumble little gems that will make us laugh for the rest of the day, if not the rest of the week and sometimes longer.